"It's not for me, you understand. It's for a friend...."

Bling for the bigger-booted bird in your life

How can I put this delicately? Soon-to-be Mrs NTaH has feet that are not as dainty as the rest of her.

Will that do?

Anyway, she sometimes deals with this problem by buying the more unisex-looking offerings from men's shoe shops. When trainers will do, that’s OK. But this isn't really going to help much in the selection of bridal wear for the upcoming nuptuals, is it?

However, she has a number of Bright Sparks in her personal circle. One of them suggested that there are shops that cater specifically for the transvestite market. And transvestites tend to insist on fairly blingy large footwear rather than the sort of stuff in the wide-fitting shop up the road. Only Nuns would wear that kind of stuff. And NOT this kind of Nun either....

Now, I always thought that a transvestite shop and a ladies outfitter would be one and the same thing. Well, they are not. And, it seems, they make all of their money out of the different foot dimensions. There is, apparently, a roaring trade in classy high heels made to fit the average bricklayer.

And what do Bright Sparks have? Well, a connection to the Internet, for one thing. It seems that they've found a few of suitable shops just near my workplace. So they've all come up with the hilarious* idea of sending me on a recce.

"Would you mind popping in at lunchtime to see what they've got in a size eight?"

Stop press: Thankfully, a ladies outfitter has unearthed a presentable set of outsizes that should do the trick. And, apparently, the tranny shop idea was dreamed up in the first place to wind me up.

*Just to be clear, there is nothing wrong with cross-dressing as far as I'm concerned. What I do object to is being sent to a shop with the implausible "It's not for me, it's for my girlfriend...." line.