Tom Watson has (and links to) some Banksy gags (the recently deceased ex-minister, not the graffiti artist). I was at an informal meeting with him once when he was the Sports minister. He arrived in a bad mood.
No time for introductions. His opening gambit was something like this (from memory):
"Do you know what I'm going to do? Tomorrow morning? I'm going to turn up at my office with a facking machine gun. One of those nice little facking UZIs. And I'm going to line all of the staff up, the lot of them. And then I'm going to facking finish them off in a split second.
Then I'm going to turn the facking thing on myself because I just can't facking stand it anymore. Forest of facking Deane! Do you know where the Forest of facking Deane is? I don't. But I've been there all facking day opening a facking sport centre, and I still don't know where the fack it is. I facking ask you!
A sports centre in the Forest of facking Deane. And while I'm away, wasting what little facking life I've got left, facking Mellor - without telling me anything about it - is organising a facking Football Task Force shindig snug in the knowledge that the arseholes who organise my facking diary have sent me off to the Forest of Facking Deane ...."
This went on for a while longer. As I say, it's not verbatim, and written only to provide a flavour.
Meetings with Chris Smith were never as much fun.