Now we have this posh git running Her Majesty’s Opposition, here is a bit of unsolicited advice for him.
Dear Mr Cameron,
There are a number of open goals that you should be shooting at if you want to show that you can run the country properly.
The first is the epidemic of Tsars that is infesting my newspaper. Now I know that the Tories had their own versions. But, as you’ve shown with your apparent disavowal of the Daily Mail, I hope you realise that all of these nasty embittered reactionaries are not the candid friends that your party thinks they are. Disown Chris Woodhead immediately.
You should start attacking these ‘Tsars’ as the PM’s stooges. Tell them to shut up. Tell them to offer their advice to the Prime Minister privately and leave the kite-flying to him. It will result in fewer idiotic initiatives and the public will thank you for making it safe to turn the radio on and buy a newspaper again on a Sunday.
If you want some opportunities to take this advice, have a look at the weblog of a Mr Shuggy in Scotland. He isn’t very keen on these people.
A while ago, for example, Mr Shuggy amplified Sir Ian Blair’s request for the public to tell him what kind of police force they want. I suspect that the aim here was to ensure that Sir Ian’s request wasn’t treated as a rhetorical question.
Mr S also lands a well-aimed dig at another Tsar who is spending public money to ask children what she should be doing. And there are plenty more unlovely Tsars where they came from.
Attack them all Mr Cameron. Ad hominem Mr Cameron. Be savage. Like you were to your fags at Eton.
Say to them; "Shut it you nonces." Say “Let the public hear the facking organ grinder, not the facking monkey.” This will also give you the common touch that you lack.
And tell them all to shut up about ‘stakeholders’. Tell them that they will all get their cards when you sweep to power. Tell the public “if you vote for me, the Government won't get in for a change.”
Tell the Tsars that they are just flunkeys paid from the public purse. Tell them to stop being rude to people who have been elected. Tell them that they should take direction from people who have been voted for. Tell them that, as Prime Minister, you will do your own dirty work.
The second open goal you should shoot at is ‘Evidence Based Policy.’ Say that you aren’t stupid, and that you propose to base your policy on evidence. But say that you also plan to base it on principal. Say that you will stand up and make your own arguments for your policies.
Say that you will hold yourself accountable for those policies and not shrug the responsibility onto statisticians and think-tanks. In fact, Mr Cameron, get yourself over to the website of a Mr Will Davies (of the IPPR!) and read this post. - or at least read this excerpt:
“In politics, it is not enough for something simply to be the best option; people must reach agreement that it is the best option, a process which then becomes constitutive of that option’s value.”
You may even chose to use the following soundbite by way of summarizing your new sensible approach to policymaking:
“Democracy must show that it is not just the fairest way of doing things, it is the best way of doing things. Vote for me, and I will take personal responsibility for the improvement of the way that Government does its business.” (I said that).
And finally, Mr Cameron, you should show the clear water between yourself and Tony Blair by standing for something that you believe in, but that your opponents and the newspapers do not.
In 1997, Mr Blair believed in a Single European Currency, a European Constitution, Regional Government for England and enforceable limits on CO2 emissions. He now no longer believes in these things because they would involve him doing some persuading.
I suspect that none of these things will fit into your agenda, but for the love of Jaysus, find something that does and show the public that you will no longer allow government to drift along, pandering to the prejudices of voters.
Most people know, deep down, that the country will be run more effectively if their views are ignored. Remember that Mr Cameron.
And, when you’re taking this good advice, don't attribute it – you’ll get me thrown out of the Labour Party.
Now get out of my sight.